A divorce won’t be the end of your relationship if you and your spouse have children together. It can be a struggle to minimize the negativity during your interactions with your ex. However, as time goes by, it will be easier for the two of you to maintain a positive dynamic with one another.
You need to also consider the way that you talk about your co-parent when they are not with you, especially if the children are present. How can you keep your messaging positive when talking about your ex?
Focus on the future, not past failings
One of the most important ways to minimize negativity toward your co-parent is to stop viewing them as your spouse. It is no longer your romantic relationship that matters. Instead, it is your co-parenting dynamic that is the most important.
Even if your ex was a bad partner to you, you can probably see how much they love the children. Trying to look at them as your supportive co-parent instead of your annoying ex could help you talk about them in a more positive light.
Don’t give in to the temptation to reinforce negativity
If your child stubbornly refuses to pack to go to the other parent’s house, you have to resist the urge to reinforce any negativity that they share with you. Instead of adding your own complaints to the list that your child spouts off as they refuse to leave the home, you should instead focus on the positive things the other parent has done.
Talking about how they always show up for the children, how playful they are or how consistent they are with parenting time can help remind your child that both of their parents only want what is best for them.
Think about what your children might overhear
Staying positive about your ex when talking directly to your children can be easy because you know it is what they need. Maintaining that positivity when you get on the phone with a friend or sit down for your weekly remote therapy session won’t be as easy.
You obviously need a safe space in which you can express your negative emotions, but you need to make certain that those conversations occur far away from your children. If you cannot ensure that your children will not overhear you, then you should maintain a positive attitude about your ex or inform the other party that you will talk with them about the matter later.
Minimizing the negative speak your children hear about their other parents will help strengthen your co-parenting dynamic and make shared custody easier for the children.